अपना ही इंतेज़ार किया है मैनें कई शाम

वाह री बेखुदी कि तेरे पास बैठ कर ,

तेरा ही इंतेज़ार किया है मैनें कभी कभी ….

I heard this couplet a few days back and I am not able to get it out of my mind for some reason.While it suggests missing someone else at one level, to me it is more of an expression of losing touch with your own self in the midst of all the commotion that our lives have become.

My version will come something like this :

खुदाया ये बेखुदी कि खुद के साथ बैठ कर

अपना ही इंतेज़ार किया है मैनें कई शाम …

तमाम चेहरों में कौन सा चेहरा है मेरे यार

खुद से ये सवाल किया है मैनें कई शाम …

Between work,home and everything else in between there’s hardly any space or time left to connect within. All you do must be done and all relationships are your own asking but really how or what justifies existence itself.Time and again I ask myself : is this something I want to do ? Is this something I like to do ? Is this my calling ? and cautiously avoid the answer.

इतने हिस्सों मे बट गया हूं मैं , मेरे हिस्से में कुछ  बचा ही नहीं

To continue in this state is madness and I know it. But I somehow participate in it for lack of sanity….trudging the endless road to nowhere.

Waiting ,perhaps looking forward, for the station where I can offload myself .

Off I will go to a land where it all makes sense finally or may be not !

~ आहंग्

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4 comments on “अपना ही इंतेज़ार किया है मैनें कई शाम

  1. Avanish says:

    Actually many of us get that feeling, after being day in and out in the same retinue…

    And people esp the ‘spiritual ones’ always say ‘find your calling’ and do that, but frankly speaking I never had or feel like any calling!! Like some people want to be artist, actor, etc. ,etc. i never had a very strong desire for anything particular. Maybe I am a sub-average ‘normal,normal’, ‘always contended’ type of guy without any passion or longing or calling. Just sharing… i wish i had a calling, at least i will know what I am longing for….

    • aahang says:

      You are doing what you love to do and that’s why you are so good at it.If it was any other way you would not have left a plush position in world’s largest company to build something from the scratch.The fact that you touch so many lives through your work makes it even more special.We feel the void when we know that there’s something amiss, in your case it simply does not apply.Keep it up !

  2. Anonymous says:

    You really write well. Please try and be regular. I’ve been missing your fresh posts for very long. Thanks for this one, after so long.

    • aahang says:

      Thanks for your encouraging note. Aur bhee gham hain zamaane mein mohabbat ke siwa – while my joe de vivre remains writing it is my sadness that has to be revisited in all its material avatars.
      Will try and write more often.just bk from a day trip to mumbai so damn tired…..

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