अंत मे..

अब मैं कुछ कहना नहीं चाहता,

सुनना चाहता हूँ
एक समर्थ सच्ची आवाज़
यदि कहीं हो। 

इससे पूर्व कि
मेरा हर कथन
हर मंथन
हर अभिव्यक्ति
शून्य से टकराकर फिर वापस लौट आए,
उस अनंत मौन में समा जाना चाहता हूँ
जो मृत्यु है। 

‘वह बिना कहे मर गया’
यह अधिक गौरवशाली है
यह कहे जाने से —
‘कि वह मरने के पहले
कुछ कह रहा था
जिसे किसी ने सुना नहीं।

~ सर्वेश्वर दयाल सक्सेना

Today is world poetry day. Sharing a poem from one of my favorite writers.

The best things is life

This day, Year 2011

When I checked in my hotel in Hk they told me that the room was not ready.I went out and sat on a park bench.After a while I felt sleepy so I lay down on the park bench with my laptop bag as my pillow.By god what perfect sleep I had….I knew it’s a little odd to sleep on a park bench and all but with the warm sun and light breeze I didn’t really care.
And now I know best things in life are free..

नींद तो दर्द के बिस्तर पे भी आ सकती है मगर,

उसकी आगोश में सर हो ये ज़रूरी तो नहीं …

तब देख बहारें होली की..

जब फागुन रंग झमकते हों तब देख बहारें होली की।

और दफ़ के शोर खड़कते हों तब देख बहारें होली की।
परियों के रंग दमकते हों तब देख बहारें होली की।
ख़म शीश-ए-जाम छलकते हों तब देख बहारें होली की।
महबूब नशे में छकते हो तब देख बहारें होली की।

हो नाच रंगीली परियों का, बैठे हों गुलरू रंग भरे
कुछ भीगी तानें होली की, कुछ नाज़-ओ-अदा के ढंग भरे
दिल फूले देख बहारों को, और कानों में आहंग भरे
कुछ तबले खड़कें रंग भरे, कुछ ऐश के दम मुंह चंग भरे
कुछ घुंगरू ताल छनकते हों, तब देख बहारें होली की

गुलज़ार खिलें हों परियों के और मजलिस की तैयारी हो।
कपड़ों पर रंग के छीटों से खुश रंग अजब गुलकारी हो।
मुँह लाल, गुलाबी आँखें हो और हाथों में पिचकारी हो।
उस रंग भरी पिचकारी को अंगिया पर तक कर मारी हो।
सीनों से रंग ढलकते हों तब देख बहारें होली की।

और एक तरफ़ दिल लेने को, महबूब भवइयों के लड़के,
हर आन घड़ी गत फिरते हों, कुछ घट घट के, कुछ बढ़ बढ़ के,
कुछ नाज़ जतावें लड़ लड़ के, कुछ होली गावें अड़ अड़ के,
कुछ लचके शोख़ कमर पतली, कुछ हाथ चले, कुछ तन फड़के,
कुछ काफ़िर नैन मटकते हों, तब देख बहारें होली की।।

ये धूम मची हो होली की, ऐश मज़े का झक्कड़ हो
उस खींचा खींची घसीटी पर, भड़वे खन्दी का फक़्कड़ हो
माजून, रबें, नाच, मज़ा और टिकियां, सुलफा कक्कड़ हो
लड़भिड़ के ‘नज़ीर’ भी निकला हो, कीचड़ में लत्थड़ पत्थड़ हो
जब ऐसे ऐश महकते हों, तब देख बहारें होली की।

Chaaya Ganguly sings this beautiful nazm by Nazeer Akbarabadi:

Blindfolded Conversations..

Just came back from an event Blindfolded Conversations under the trees. I have no idea why or how I signed up for this event but I landed up at the venue thinking if nothing else I can have nice evening walk at Cubbon Park. When my first “partner”asked what brings you here I was prompted to say I had nothing better to do what else. I told him that I usually never open up even to people I know so I thought if I can speak to a total stranger it will be a kind of challenge for me. Now those who know me would say c’mon you talk so much, you are active on social media and have views on every thing from quantum view of spirituality to politics in UP to Bhojpuri filmi songs how can you have need to open up or have conversation? There is a couplet by Jaun Elia that best describes this dichotomy :

मुस्तक़िल बोलता ही रहता हूँ, कितना खामोश हूँ मैं अन्दर से

I blabber without a pause, how silent am I from within

My kids often tell me Dad don’t you have like a best friend. You are always talking about business or politics or some books but that’s not what you talk to your best friend. They are right I have this heavily guarded shield and probably no one except my brother knows my darkest and deepest side. Even he has limits. 

Anyway, coming back to the event I wanted to explore if my conditioning stops me or is it that I do not want to be vulnerable again by telling someone about myself. I have seen people stoop to such levels I am on the verge of becoming a Xenophobe. My guard is never down. Everyone has their boundaries – you can come this far and no more. Can this psychology be reversed if I don’t know whom I am talking to and yet get a response – one human being to another. No I am not talking about shrinks, they are trained to have conversations and they charge a fee. Been there, done that.

So did I open up finally ? Was I able to drop my inhibition, feel vulnerable again? No I was not. I ended up giving reading advice to both partners – first was a techie probably in his 30s and second was a young girl in last year of her engineering. But yes the event was quite fun and well organized. All of us sat under the trees and were asked to blindfold ourselves. After that the volunteers randomly paired up people. You were not allowed to tell your name, exact profession or age. Basically there was no way to know whom you were talking to and as there were some 200 people there was no way of guessing either. There were a lot of young girls in the group. When all of them started chattering together with one sense organ of mine obstructed, at one point I felt I would have a panic attack !

However, I learnt a few things :

1. I can never open up to anyone और अब ये राज़ मेरे साथ ही दफ़न होंगे 

2. Bangalore is super receptive to new ideas and folks are quite open and friendly. I don’t think you can have such an event so casually in Lucknow or Delhi

3. The organizers made a cool 40000 bucks is 2 hours with almost no investment apart from their volunteers guiding blinded people so they don’t bump into each other 😊

4. Namma Metro takes precisely 13 min from Cubbon Park to Bypanahalli 

On Writing

I have always felt that the depth in what you write doesn’t usually come with the number of words that you use but with the number of words that you are able to delete once you have written/re written.

Words of wisdom from Akash Verma 

In love with Life..

Fall in love with LIFE– with Life, not with things and beings in your life. Be in love with living! Don’t be satisfied with a superficial life of mere sense pleasures. Search for treasures hidden beneath the world of thought. Build for yourself a Temple of Peace which no man can take, no power can destroy. With a life in harmony, find your joy in yourself exactly where you are now.