अपना ही इंतेज़ार किया है मैनें कई शाम

वाह री बेखुदी कि तेरे पास बैठ कर ,

तेरा ही इंतेज़ार किया है मैनें कभी कभी ….

I heard this couplet a few days back and I am not able to get it out of my mind for some reason.While it suggests missing someone else at one level, to me it is more of an expression of losing touch with your own self in the midst of all the commotion that our lives have become.

My version will come something like this :

खुदाया ये बेखुदी कि खुद के साथ बैठ कर

अपना ही इंतेज़ार किया है मैनें कई शाम …

तमाम चेहरों में कौन सा चेहरा है मेरे यार

खुद से ये सवाल किया है मैनें कई शाम …

Between work,home and everything else in between there’s hardly any space or time left to connect within. All you do must be done and all relationships are your own asking but really how or what justifies existence itself.Time and again I ask myself : is this something I want to do ? Is this something I like to do ? Is this my calling ? and cautiously avoid the answer.

इतने हिस्सों मे बट गया हूं मैं , मेरे हिस्से में कुछ  बचा ही नहीं

To continue in this state is madness and I know it. But I somehow participate in it for lack of sanity….trudging the endless road to nowhere.

Waiting ,perhaps looking forward, for the station where I can offload myself .

Off I will go to a land where it all makes sense finally or may be not !

~ आहंग्

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